Shallow depths.

"I'm only going to say this once: I don't ONLY go for looks, though it happens to be one of my criteria."

It reassures someone that though I might attract more male attention, I must be a spiritual retard, which then evens things out. Yeah, right. Call me shallow all you want, this little pig has just gone for a housing upgrade.

I remember how we used to bitch about a certain colleague whose performance is only a passing grade, and isn't as nice as she seems. Yet, she always receives positive feedback about her work and person. It's her sweet disarming smile and boobs, we figured. At some point, I realised that my diet of sour grapes was getting me nowhere, and worse, showing on my face. So, I decided that "If you can't beat them, join them!" Not that I went for a boob job, mind! But I did work on smiling more and emanating more positive vibes; also because I didn't want my face to morph into a bittergourd!

SF reports that her boss is less likely to criticise her work when she is dressed in more feminine blouses or pastel shades.

Like it or not, looks do matter. Anwar had watched the job interview on 20/20. Interestingly, the interviewer when asked about the better-looking job applicant, recalled that he was more eloquent. But the video recording showed that was far from the truth. So much for meritocracy. I asked Anwar where that put the average lookers. Why even bother trying when the best deals would always go to the attractive ones? He said the average lookers would just have to work harder to prove themselves and stand out. Otherwise, all the "ugly ones would have to bash their heads against the walls."

Yes, it's unfair. But have we been deluded about fairness? Is meritocracy just a social construct that the average lookers came up with to even things out, and therefore not a true reflection of reality? As a child psychologist told me, "Life's not fair because everyone is already different at birth!"

If you think about it, lookism is rampant in the animal kingdom. So why do we deny nature? What we were, are, and will be, are marked on our faces and bodies.

It's not a comfortable truth, more so because some of us are born 'disadvantaged', and the truth doesn't quite fit with our social conditioning. But the important thing is to take this in perspective. Knowledge is what we make of it. It can help us to accept what we can't change, so that we can move on and direct our creative energies to more positive activities like making the most of our limited resources. Knowledge might not change what we were born with, but we do have a choice to make a hell of heaven, or a heaven of hell. And at the very least, knowledge teaches us humility, which is so lacking in today's world.

My past life.

You know how wedding dinners are a drag, especially if you
(1) don't like the groom (but I went anyway because my friend was, and at least, I would have a pair of willing ears to yabber into); and
(2) are single and so dread the inevitable question about 'your turn' -- especially when it's in relation to an ex-boyfriend who nobody knows has been axed.
Unfortunately, I don't suppose you could fault the question since it wasn't out of context, though cliched.

"So, how is Sean?" Argh, here comes the dreaded question! But you know, that wasn't quite as hard as I thought. Because I was bombarded, of all things, about the Masters programme that I was halfway through back then. Everyone expressed surprise that I had dropped out, and thought I should have just stuck it out. Man, I was more surprised that they all remembered! Maybe it's just that everyone is into furthering their education nowadays. Have started thinking again about picking up from where I had left off. What I really need to figure out is: am I doing it for myself or peer pressure?

- - - - - - - - - -

There are two ways to look at the interesting situation of today's financially independent women, who are not as ready to settle down, in both senses of the word.
(1) Money has liberated them by giving them more lifestyle choices and the freedom to pursue their dreams, true love and happiness.
(2) These women have become so enamoured with modern consumerism that they have lost sight of love and now think that their newfound buying power is the means to achieving that increasingly elusive thing called happiness.

For some people, both women AND men, marriage has certainly become a matter of survival in Singapore -- a financial partnership to pool resources for a better lifestyle, i.e. the 5Cs. Perhaps, only the rich can afford to marry for love, because they have the 'financial freedom' to potentially pursue higher needs in life. Shrug.

It's really no wonder that marriages are breaking up faster now, when nothing else substantial is holding you to your significant other.

Happiness (love) for survival -- is it a worthwhile trade-off?

- - - - - - - - - -

She: Any cramps after intercourse?
I: (raise eyebrow) No.
She: Any blood or unusual discharge after intercourse?
I: (raise eyebrow higher) No.
She: Any...after intercourse?
I: No. (Why is she assuming...oh...) Eh...because there's been no sex??? (straight face)
She: (surprised look and startled laugh)

Nevermind what the new Health Minister says -- my gynae thinks it's still advisable for women, sexually active or otherwise, to have regular annual screenings for other female problems.

The scales in her waiting room declare that I'm officially 3 kg heavier than a year ago. Arrrgh...

- - - - - - - - - -

Work stress hasn't put me in the mood for much social experimenting.

So I wasn't in the mood (among other reasons) when someone asked me about catching Matrix. Still, I was OK about meeting up, since I was going with SF anyway. This was late morning. By late afternoon on the SAME day, SF called to say she had just got a call about winning free tickets to the opening night. And since free tickets only come in a PAIR, guess who's going with who? Heh. Stranger still that she had joined the contest some time ago, even though she doesn't have contest luck -- but she tried nonetheless.

Coincidence? I don't think so. The funny thing about predicaments is that sometimes, the all-seeing Universe might just decide to cut you some slack and sends a serendipitous event your way. :-)

Taking stock.

Of the Arian, he said:

"You will probably spend more on health and health products, equipment and courses...Singles will tend to stay single. The Cosmos is not pushing you one way or the other. Thus there is great freedom and latitude to make your social life what you want it to be. The problem is really lack of interest...there is much romantic opportunity of the non-serious type...There are love opportunities with foreigners or in foreign lands with people of different cultural or ethnic backgrounds; with people who are educated, cultured and refined with people you can look up to and respect. Perhaps with a teacher or mentor...But the main headline this year is friendship...a search for the deeper things in life. A search for meaning. It would be normal to feel a need for seclusion and to be alone in one's own space and with one's own thoughts."

Of the Piscean:

"Singles find love opportunities at the work place or the doctor's surgery perhaps whilst visiting a friend in hospital. Health professionals and people of status are particularly alluring...Your Financial Planet in your own Sign shows that you spend on yourself; that you consider yourself a worthy investment. So, many of you are spending on wardrobes, accessories and on sensual pleasures...They call this dressing for success...more for the 'vibrational' value than for anything else. When you wear good and expensive things, it makes you feel more prosperous. And you tend to attract more prosperity for that reason...There is a need now to break free of all attachments whether to your body image, your personal ego, your dietary preferences, or place where you live, your career, etc. Most of these attachments have been holding you back."

Freaky, eh?

Hard to get.

He: "...still game to meet for drink, movie at junction 8, etc?"

I: "Can't find anyone else to go out with izit?"

He: "Not today, other day."

I: "Eh?"

He: "Never mind, eating dinner, chat other day, hugz."

I suppose I sometimes come across as the sort who gives guys a hard time. Not that I do it out of a sadistic streak -- though in this case, I did. It has become a game of sorts for me. He tries his luck every once in a while, and I always give him vague and edgy responses. The first few times that he backed off immediately, surprised me -- I'd thought he would have been more persistent or tried a witty comeback, and I was looking for an interesting exchange. Mostly, I figured that he was just trying his luck because he had nothing better to do, and since I didn't care to be just the flavour of the moment, I would react by being caustic. Some days though, I actually thought that he just didn't have the guts, nor the wits (sigh), to follow through. And that's quite pathetic -- considering that other people have had it worse. At least, I didn't do the "no-no-no" routine on him, and even then, someone managed to survive that one, unscathed.

Still, I never cease to marvel that he keeps trying, and that he doesn't seem to be conscious, if not embarrassed, that he's always had to beat a hasty retreat. And that he keeps coming back for more, I find rather amusing. So I keep dishing it to him, just to see how much 'abuse' he can take.

But heck, maybe I should just make it easy for him next time. Then I can chalk him as my third date for the year.

Speed-dating, not.

"Forget slow and steady. It's fast and furious that wins the race of love in this high-octane, 0-to-100kmh- in-six-seconds society."

Slow and steady might not win the heart of your object of affection, or guarantee a lasting relationship. But neither would fast and furious. Whoever is more likely to finish first might also find himself zipping out just as fast, with a fender bender in tow. And, if you spent minimal effort starting a relationship thinking that it might eventually fall apart anyway, then it most probably would. But maybe you already knew that from the word 'Go', because you thought she was a waste of time.

I agree that times have changed, and this is simply the reality of our increasingly consumer-driven society. But surely, there is much to be said about the increasing number of burnt-out professionals and broken marriages: we are so caught up running the rat race that we have forgotten the simple and priceless joy of just taking a little time out to smell the roses.

You can say my beliefs are too idealistic, but I believe that special someone for each of us is just standing there, in the midst of the rushing masses, waiting. If you would just slow down, you might just recognise her amongst the faceless crowd.

I would be more impressed with someone who had the conviction and perseverance to single-mindedly pursue his object of affection.

And, I wouldn't waste my time with someone who thought I wasn't worth his time to woo.